Advice for guys

Advice #1
You say we look beautiful with no makeup and our hair pulled back into a ponytail. And you say you love when we wear jeans and a t-shirt. Maybe you do. Who knows? But we don't believe you. Why, you ask?

When we catch you looking at other girls, are you checking out:

Girl A? She is wearing perfect makeup and has perfect hair, not to mention that outfit that shows either cleavage or legs.

Or...

Girl B? the one with no makeup, a ponytail, jeans, and a t-shirt.

Yep, you check out the A's. Oh, those B's you say you're looking at?
Perfectly applied makeup that looks natural, perfectly styled ponytail (that can take some work), tight low-cut jeans, a baby tee.

I'll believe you prefer the natural look when I catch you checking out the real thing.

Advice #2
If the word "fat" comes out of our mouth in the form of a question, RUN! There really is no right answer. You cannot win. Better yet, just cover your ears and say, "La. La. La." as loud as you can...

then run.

Advice #3
If you're a guy, you know this already. If you ask us what's wrong, we will say nothing. I don't know why.

Unless you want hours of silence, here is what you do:

Talk about something else. Anything that cannot possibly start a fight. I don't know, talk about the idiot you saw swerving all over the road because they were on their cell phone. Talk about the amazing sandwich you had at lunch.

If you get her talking about trivial things, she will end up telling you what's wrong.

Advice #4
When she finally tells you what's wrong, sympathize.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT give advice unless she asks for advice. We do not want you to fix it. We just want you to understand and agree with us.