My First Article

I did it! I wrote my first article.

How to Be a Better Reader

It's awesome. I'm so excited!



Gratuitous book photo.

A great big thank you to the teenage boy at the movies.

Dear Teenage Boy,

Yes, you, the one sitting next to us at the movies Sunday night. Oh, wait. You probably don't remember that there were people sitting next to you.

That's right. You were distracted by your phone. I have to say I really enjoyed being distracted by the bright screen on your phone when you were sending text messages. Thank you.

I also loved the way you just had to rub your legs rhythmically during the movie. It made my day to hear that "sweoosh sweoosh" sound you were making. Thank you.

Your running dialogue was especially pleasing. Each and every "oh, man." and "What's happening?" and "Did he kill him?" really made my theater experience exciting. Thank You.

Thank goodness I read the book because there were so many parts of the movie I missed.

Thanks to you.

Sincerely,

A woman who wishes you would have stayed home and waited for DVD

Omelette Books

and I am not talking about recipes!

I am so sick of reading books with poor little rich people as characters. They are always out sooooooo late, and then they get home and decide they are hungry.

Oh, but they are always just too busy to shop for food. Oh no! What does one do?

Oh, I know! It's the middle of the night and we're both too rich and busy to really know how to cook, but the man can. . .

wait for it. . .

make omelettes!

The rich people only have eggs, a bit of butter, some gnarly French cheese, and fresh chives.

Why would a house with no groceries (too busy, remember?) have FRESH chives? Never mind the fact that omelettes can be really, really hard for an inexperienced cook to make!

What is wrong with these authors? Why is it so bloody cool to eat omelettes at midnight when you are rich?

Gratuitous omelette photo goes here:

Wanna know what's frustrating?

It's frustrating when you remember a post on a blog, but when you go to look, you can't find it. I have been all over llynm's blog site, but the post I'm looking for. . . gone. Vanished. Right into thin air!
So, here is a question to your question, llynm:

Tim Horton's almost lost my kid!

Okaaaaay, they didn't almost lose my kid. Here is the story.
Riley was chosen to go to The Tim Horton Children's Foundation camp in Kentucky.
Girlfriend was chosen because she is the most awesome kid ever. Today is her birthday, by the way.

So the kids get to the airport at 8:30 AM on the 20th to leave for camp. Their flight gets delayed. . .
and delayed. . .
and delayed. . .
and delayed. . .
So they charter a bus. Arrive at camp at 1:30 AM.

The 21st = have fun.
The 22nd = have fun.
The 23rd = have fun.
The 24th = have fun.
The 25th = have fun.
The 26th = have fun.
The 27th = come down with a raging fever, have to move into the Wellness Center for the duration of camp, but it's fun. They have cable and the girls got to wear sassy surgical masks if they went outside.
The 28th = Camp calls Mom and Dad, "We're sorry, but your daughter will not be flying home with the rest of the campers. Due to her fever, the CDC regulations will not allow air travel (because anyone with a fever has swine flu). We'll let you know when she will be coming home."
The 29th = Camp calls, "Riley will be flying in at 10 AM tomorrow."

Wait, there is no flight arriving at 10 AM from anywhere. Oh, must be that flight from Detroit arriving at 9:41. Kind of funny, all of the other parents are there (which is quite amazing. more on that later). Weren't the rest of the kids supposed to arrive yesterday? Plane lands, no Riley. "Yes, camp people, I understand. You accidentally called me because my kid was originally scheduled to fly home with the others (who had a cancelled flight due to weather, hence the morning airport scene). So, where is my kid? Oh, she's flying in at 11:15? Thanks for letting me know!"

Apparently they called me, did not get hold of me, and didn't try again. My cell phone was good enough to tell me she went to see the nurse, but not good enough to use to let me know of the travel arrangements.

Anyway, the Tim Horton's camps are amazing. This company sends these kids to camp for 10 days at no cost to the families. There may have been some travel mix-ups, but Riley was safe and sound the whole time. She says she'd go back in a heartbeat!

Super busy lately

Super, super busy, but I have two things to say.

#1 My oven broke. Easter Sunday morning! Couldn't have picked a better day????

#2 I think I may have had the worst education in High School. Guess what I found out today? The United States did not become a country in 1776. We only declared it then.
We did not officially become a country until the signing of the Treaty of Paris in 1783. Who knew?

Unfortunately, a meme

A new meme. Pull up Google, type in unfotunately ________. The space would be for your name. It's really quite fun! Here are mine:



Unfortunately, Elizabeth had to leave Boston because she did not have enough students signed up for the new school year.

Unfortunately, Elizabeth has no artistic talent at all when it comes to painting or drawing.

Unfortunately, Elizabeth usually comes off as a raving, sniveling, hypocritical idiot.



Unfortunately, Elizabeth's perfect image is threatened by the secrets she holds.

Unfortunately, Elizabeth died shortly after her Dec. 1, 1994, surgery.

Unfortunately, Elizabeth's impressive performance in front of the large crowd was not enough to push her into the later rounds.



Unfortunately, Elizabeth, good as she is, is unable to spell it and even less able to say it.

Unfortunately, Elizabeth, you forgot to put your return address in the letter so I decided to put the picture in this newsletter.



Unfortunately, Elizabeth woke up with a stomach problem.

Unfortunately Elizabeth would never see her father again as he died a few months later of a stroke.

Pig's Tale

A farmer had 5 female pigs and times were getting tough, so he went to the country fair to sell his pigs. At the fair, he came across a farmer who had 5 male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The two farmers lived 60 miles away from each other so they agreed to each drive 30 miles, and find a field to mate their pigs. The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5:00 am, loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had left, and drove the 30 miles.

While the pigs were going at it, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they're pregnant?"

The other farmer replied, "If they're in the grass grazing in the morning, then they're pregnant, if they're in the mud, then they're not.

The next morning they were rolling in the mud so he hosed them down, loaded them again into the family station wagon and proceeded to try again. The following morning, MUD again!

This continued all week until one morning the farmer was so tired that he couldn't get out of bed. He called to his wife and and said, "Honey, look outside the and tell me if the pigs are in the mud or in the field."

Neither one," yelled his wife, "They're in the station wagon and one of them is beeping the horn."

Pay It Forward (Gifties! Woo-Hoo!!)

Llyn M is participating in a PAY IT FORWARD, so I am making her send me a handmade giftie by leaving her a comment. She will be sending them to the first three comments on her post! Then those three will do the same for three more and the world gets wonderful gifties!

Would you like to play??? I will send a little handmade giftie to the first three people who leave a comment here. Participation means you then agree to Pay It Forward to the first three commenters on YOUR post. The only rule is that the giftie handmade by you and must be sent out within the next year.

White Knot

I believe that everyone should be able to marry the one they love, no matter the gender. I think constitutional bans on gay marriage are disgusting.

Show your support of marriage equality!

The White Knot is an organization that believes everyone should have the right to tie the knot. The white knot symbol is a combination of two symbols of marriage (white and tying the knot).

Order a free white knot.

Donate.

Join the cause.